I suppose it's fitting that the first step of this Autism Awareness Journey for April -- April 1, 2012, begins today, on a Sunday.
Before I can go another step, I must acknowledge the huge leap of faith we've had to have to survive as long as we have in our "Life with Autism". Before we even knew we would need such faith, before we even realized we had such great faith, I believe God had equipped us with it. I like how he works that way. Always a step ahead. Always planning to prosper.
One of the many things I've marveled at, is how that seed of faith goes back even farther than autism in our life. In allowing me to be born to a mother who is a true warrior mom, a true survivor of all she's had to deal with in her life. In allowing my husband to be born to parents who were strong in faith and who lived out how a marriage vow is for life. As we've come to find out, we would need the blending of both of those upbringings in our life to survive autism. Me, the strength I got from my mother, Todd, the faith and steadiness he got from his parents in living out those marriage vows - no matter what bends and tries to break them.
God doesn't cause chaos. He carefully crafts you into the creation he pictured as he fearfully and wonderfully made you before you were ever born.
His plans for you to prosper you, not to harm you.
I see that ever so clearly now thanks to autism.
And while at times in our autism journey I've been mad at God, hated God, didn't understand God, and felt betrayed by God, --- I can honestly say I've always loved God. I've always known those truths about him even though at times I didn't feel those truths from him.
I can't speak for anyone else living with autism in the way we do, in the way our son is affected, but for me, I can say that I wouldn't have ever learned all I have about God were it not for this lousy- rotten-wish-I-were-never-on-it journey.
That's the conundrum of autism. That it's not one or the other. It's both good and bad. It's both blasted and a blessing. It's at times both helpless and hopeful.
You can't separate those things. You can just hope that the good outweighs the bad. Which it does.
You can just hope you see that even though life with autism is sometimes bad, God is always good.
Which I do.
And I think that if the first step you take on any journey is a leap of faith, you will have already won half the battle. And believe me, this autism journey is a battle.
As you will see here.
